Having this photo may be embarrassing, but it is a good reminder of how far I have come. Having embarrassing or "bad" photos is not a bad thing. It reminds us that we are human, we have flaws, and that's what makes us wonderful. In this picture I know I was excited about RA training and meeting my new staff. I know I loved the skirt I was wearing and I loved my colleagues and I wasn't focused on how I looked in this picture. That's the good part. Just because we get rid of the fat, doesn't mean we get rid of the memories attached to them or that the moment would have been better if we were thin. It just means that it is part of our journey.
Remember my post about weight loss being mental and emotional? I think this just fits right into that mindset. I'm not saying you have to be a certain size to be happy or to be healthy, but I wasn't either one. Being overweight and unhealthy is emotional/mental. For me, I make a lot of my food decisions based on my emotions, if I'm happy, if I'm stressed, if I'm upset, it makes all the difference. Food is also a very social thing for me and I make food for people to show them that I care. That is all mental and emotional. I also would tell myself "I'll never lose weight because it just wasn't how I was built." I would tell myself "well I'm going to gain weight when I have kids any way so I'll just lose it all when I'm done." I put myself in the mental state that it wouldn't happen, so it didn't. Instead I convinced myself that what I was eating was healthy because it had vegetables or that I didn't eat fatty foods all the time so it was okay. What I wasn't paying attention to was the PB&J before I went to bed, or the 4 oreos I had for dessert after dinner, or the fact that most of my dinners were 1.5 or 2 portions, or the fact that I did eat fatty foods a lot. I would try to lose weight and get so frustrated emotionally, that I would just quit.
Seeing this picture reminded me of the place I was in and that I don't want to go back there. I won't be back there. Not that I will never gain weight again, because I will, but I won't give myself the mental pressure that I did in the past, and I'll be honest with myself about food and recognize when I'm bargaining with myself rather than actually trying. Now that I've see what I can do, there is no excuse.
I was having a pretty serious plateau lately so I decided to switch up my eating. I was down a pound today which was great because I've been stressing out about it which makes it worse. I was seriously about to go on a scale fast for a month if I hadn't lost anything this morning. Plateaus are a natural part of weight loss and important for your body in the process, but it's so hard when you see the scale moving and then it just stops. I'm not really eating super differently but moving stuff around in my day and eating a little differently at lunch on occasion. Instead of having my shake at breakfast, I'm having it in the afternoon. I know it's a "meal replacement shake" but I'm having about the same amount of calories in my day and still burning around 1000 cals per work out. This morning I had one egg and two egg whites scrambled and cooked in coconut oil cooking spray with whole grain toast (extra fiber) with crunchy peanut butter. Yesterday, I made pumpkin spice yogurt to have with breakfast without all the sugar and I'm going to share that with you now. I highly recommend buying Greek yogurt in large quantities then adding your own toppings. It's easier to control the sugar content and just a better option. You can then make whatever combinations you want!
Pumpkin Spice Yogurt:
1 tsp Natural Honey
to taste: pumpkin spice seasoning (I use about 1/2 tsp)
to taste: cinnamon ( I use a few sprinkles)
1 packet of stevia
Mix all the ingredients together in a bowl. I also added
1/4 c of Trader Joe's Country Pumpkin Spice Granola just because I like that extra crunch.
I will leave you with this wonderful fall photo of Gotham in the leaves yesterday during our morning walk. Bring on everything fall, people, it's my favorite. I got my new boots today, so I'm ready!
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